I am finding myself a bit discouraged this morning about the state of my own heart. I was in a conversation with a friend earlier this week and I mentioned my "spiky" personality - the hard edge that I seem to carry with me, and an attraction for dark humour and sarcasm. The older I get the more these aspects of my character bother me, but they are so much a part of who I am that it comes out without my awareness. I asked my friend to point it out to me when he sees it, so I can be aware of it, and do something different where I need too.
In addition, some of that spiky persona came out in interactions with some friends at a social gathering later, and I think my conscience is bugging me for some things I said that seemed humourous at the time, but now seem mean. What I guess I'm saying is that there is a gap between who I am and who I would like to be.
When I look at the chapter today, I see Jesus talking about different kinds of people--hard, stony people and softer, more "fertile" types. Put like this, there is no question what kind of person I want to be--I want to be kind and productive. Overall, this is my goal, but day-to-day it can be easier to go for the laugh, or deflect with a sarcastic remark. It is ahrd to be vulnerable.
The text today is a reminder of the kind of person I want to be--someone who hears what Jesus has to say and receives it with joy. It helps me to remember that I need to align my day-to-day behaviour around this larger goal. As I read the passage, I'm encouraged by the fact that as I read it, I really want to be the "good ground", the place where Jesus' work takes root and grows, and I have the faith that this is something He can work with.